War on Twinks

I first of all have to preface that I do not necessarily hate all twinks. I just hate the ones that dip in my dating pool, the 30+ gays. That's not true, I hate all twinks.

A few days ago I was getting my hair did, and I had a conversation with another 30 year old gay. We found out that we are in the same lonely boat. Both of us are twinks past our prime, still tall, skinny, and relatively wrinkle free (no laughs please and thank the Lord for the invention of retinol. Start early!), but we can no longer be considered twinks. Btw thank God. Anyway, we came to the agreement that all of the twinks are stealing up all the eligible bachelors! Everywhere I look I see a 19,20, 21 year old with someone 30 and up.

For example a friend of mine who is 32 is dating a 21 year old. I can't say much because I really like his bf, which is annoying. Another friend of mine who is 36 that I always thought would stay strong with me in dating in the 30 pool just went on a date with a 21 year old. I also have several 30+ friends that only date below the age of 23. What the fuck?! What is wrong with dating someone older? Most of these friends say that they don't date people their age because they are old. Um.....how is someone who is 30 too old for someone who is 31? I really don't get it.

This all falls in my opinion that gays have their midlife crisis at 30 instead of 40. Once gays jump the 20 something mark they have an age crisis. They start wearing painted on clothes, stop eating, and start partying til 5am, even if they never did that in their 20s. Personally I love being 30. My gays always give a gay gasp when someone asks my age and I proudly lift my chin and say 30. "But they thought you were 25! Why tell them your real age?" Because I'm proud of it bitches! I worked hard to get to 30, and I am not letting it go. Besides who wants to relive their 20s anyway? Shitty apartments, bad boyfriends, starter jobs, broke college years. You can have it 20 somethings I am all about pushing forward!

In order to balance out the universe I am hear-by declaring that I will only date 60+ year olds. Yes this makes me a contradiction, and the 60s group will bitch about 30 year olds stealing their men, but I feel this is a necessary evil in order to balance out my age set. So the next time you see me with a geriatric don't hate, I'm doing it to balance out the dating down of my fellow 30+ gays. That's right I'm all about the people.

Btw I am actually just bitter, because when I was 21 no 30+ would give me the time of day. Oh if only I could have been born in the 90s instead of the 70s. Oh fuck I'm old!

luvuTWINKYbitches!

Fuck Happens A Lot

Did you ever notice how often fuck happens on a daily basis, and I am talking on all levels of the word. I feel like I am surrounded by this word possibly way too much, especially as of late.

I recently moved to a gentrifying neighborhood, no I shouldn't say that, I live in a gorgeous building at the edge of a beautiful area, and by edge I mean one block over bullets are flying and domestic disputes run rampant. Just now I was out on the terrace and I witnessed a guy running down the street yelling FUCK who then jumped up and kicked a mailbox mid stride and kept on going. First of all what did a mailbox ever do to someone? Whenever I am mad I never think I am going to let that mailbox have what's coming to it! Then just across the street a couple were apparently mid-breakup yelling fuck you you fucking bitch at each other at the bus stop. Scenes such as this are a regular occurrence around here.

In addition to these colorful verbal fucks, I have to deal with my roommate's literal fucks every single day. It is better now that our apartment is twice the size, but do you know how difficult it is being single listening to your roommate having at it several times every day? Then having to witness them strutting around the apartment sex swollen in a pair of boxers asking me what's up like I hadn't been subjected to their rabbit fucking for the past half hour?

Then there are the fates that keeping fucking my life. The surprise hospital bill that was supposedly taken care of by my lovely insurance, the surprise audit on my 2007 taxes, the surprise utility bills that somehow come about every other week instead of once a month, the surprise vet bill that cost $188 instead of the $88 I was expecting.

Seriously when did fuck become the soundtrack of my life? I can't complain that much though, if I had to choose one word fuck isn't that bad, after all it has so many uses. I am reading Kathy Griffin's new book and if fuck was taken out of it there wouldn't be anything to read, and if we didn't have it would Eddie Murphy have even had a career? In the end I guess I shouldn't complain fuck is pretty amazing.

luvubitch!