War on Twinks

I first of all have to preface that I do not necessarily hate all twinks. I just hate the ones that dip in my dating pool, the 30+ gays. That's not true, I hate all twinks.

A few days ago I was getting my hair did, and I had a conversation with another 30 year old gay. We found out that we are in the same lonely boat. Both of us are twinks past our prime, still tall, skinny, and relatively wrinkle free (no laughs please and thank the Lord for the invention of retinol. Start early!), but we can no longer be considered twinks. Btw thank God. Anyway, we came to the agreement that all of the twinks are stealing up all the eligible bachelors! Everywhere I look I see a 19,20, 21 year old with someone 30 and up.

For example a friend of mine who is 32 is dating a 21 year old. I can't say much because I really like his bf, which is annoying. Another friend of mine who is 36 that I always thought would stay strong with me in dating in the 30 pool just went on a date with a 21 year old. I also have several 30+ friends that only date below the age of 23. What the fuck?! What is wrong with dating someone older? Most of these friends say that they don't date people their age because they are old. Um.....how is someone who is 30 too old for someone who is 31? I really don't get it.

This all falls in my opinion that gays have their midlife crisis at 30 instead of 40. Once gays jump the 20 something mark they have an age crisis. They start wearing painted on clothes, stop eating, and start partying til 5am, even if they never did that in their 20s. Personally I love being 30. My gays always give a gay gasp when someone asks my age and I proudly lift my chin and say 30. "But they thought you were 25! Why tell them your real age?" Because I'm proud of it bitches! I worked hard to get to 30, and I am not letting it go. Besides who wants to relive their 20s anyway? Shitty apartments, bad boyfriends, starter jobs, broke college years. You can have it 20 somethings I am all about pushing forward!

In order to balance out the universe I am hear-by declaring that I will only date 60+ year olds. Yes this makes me a contradiction, and the 60s group will bitch about 30 year olds stealing their men, but I feel this is a necessary evil in order to balance out my age set. So the next time you see me with a geriatric don't hate, I'm doing it to balance out the dating down of my fellow 30+ gays. That's right I'm all about the people.

Btw I am actually just bitter, because when I was 21 no 30+ would give me the time of day. Oh if only I could have been born in the 90s instead of the 70s. Oh fuck I'm old!

luvuTWINKYbitches!