I know, I know, the economy blah blah blah. A few years ago I could apply to a job, get an interview, and get an offer in a matter of weeks. Now I can't even get a serving job, or a receptionist job because I don't have the right "skills", or I'm over qualified. Bitch how hard is it to put a glass of water on a table, or answer a fucking phone?!
The point of my story is that having two degrees hasn't seemed to help me find a job at all. Don't buy in to the crappy online universities either, especially the ones offering a degree in design. Design won't get you shit right now! Not to mention having a degree from ABC University.com is not that impressive to potential employers.
No, in this economy I have decided the only way to go is to shirk ones morals, and get a job in gay porn or stripping. Seriously! I know several individuals that work at a seedy hole in the wall gay bar here in Chicago as strippers, and they make on average.....wait for it.......$6-8,000 a month! CASH!!! WTF?!?! $1500 to $2000 a week to get felt up by some skeezy old guys? Sign me up! And I have to note that they get to drink at work. Hello! Dream job? I think so.
I also know that, on average, guys that work steadily in gay porn make 6 figures a year. WTF again! Paid to have sex with other hot guys? Um bonus! The only thing holding me back from this is that I can't quite figure out how to shave between the cheeks, and I am one of those rare twinky tops. I don't really think that I could deal with getting pounded by a dick the size of my forearm......or a forearm for that matter.
So here I am spending my days applying to anything I can find on Craigslist. Pretty soon it's going to be giving blow jobs on the street corner for $5. Then again if I tape it and post it on xtube for $2 a viewing I can probably be a millionaire by Christmas. Ok boys, old guys, and everything in between, meet me on the corner of ............................
Luvubitch!
Don't try shaving between the cheeks...you'll just get razor burn and your ass will look zitty. Try Nair Bikini Hair Remover...works like a charm!
ReplyDeletegreat tip on the bikini hair remover! it's hard to shave back there.
ReplyDeletemy husband is a senior graphic designer and he loves what he does but hates his job. he's been looking for something else but of course there is nothing to be found. i just keep telling him that he is lucky he at least has a job.
i wish you all the luck in finding something/anything. i really hope you don't have to resort to porn, but you know if you do, i'll be the first in line to watch.
I love you. And Veronica, too, for the advice -- though Nair terrifies me.
ReplyDeleteOk, final attempt... I wanted to tell you that this is one of the most horrifyingly hilarious things that I've ever read. Also, I totally agree with you about college, all the f-ing stagehands make like twice what I do, and a LOT of them skipped college altogether. I, on the other hand, sit here paying $300/month to a college that costs about as much as I make a year. Although I'm happy to be employed, this harsh truth is SO frustrating.
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