Hating on the Bears

Recently in my quest to accept any paying job that comes my way I applied to a doorman position at a local Bear/Leather bar. Technically leather and bears are kept separate, but this is a bunch of bull shit. There's no such thing as a leather twink, preppy, gaysian, or circuit gay. On my interview I started off as optimistic. The position was for a part-time Thursday and Saturday night only doorman. All one had to do was check id's, and answer the phone, and I mean who calls a bar anyway? I met with someone who shall remain nameless, but his name was used in a Lindsay Lohan movie back in the pre-coke years if that helps, and I was ushered into the back bar for my interview. Now this person had a handle bar mustache, was very furry, and not how should I put it slender; pretty much the complete opposite of moi. We did the interview, blah blah blah, and at the end of it he told me that there were five other applicants for this shitty $8.00 an hour 12 hour work week position. I mean really? How could there possibly be that many guys willing to lower themselves to such an unglamorous job? In the end I got a "we'll call you" response, and I never heard back. Shocking. Now I have a master's degree, which I would have thought would have qualified me to check id's. Apparently not. It is for this reason that I think bears discriminate the most out of all gay subcultures, which btw is saying a lot.

Supposedly bears embrace everyone, but in reality they have harsher physical appearance codes than all the other gays combined. Most gays will let slide a little back hair, some saggy titties, even *gasp a wierd penis, but not the bears! Bears only accept other hairy fat middle aged smelly non-effeminate men.

I did some research, and the bear flag is supposed to embrace all types. I am going to regurgitate what I found on wikipedia. Brown represents hair and skin, ok there are a fair amount of bears that fall into this category they can have that one. Red represents hair and skin, as in Native Americans; I guess this could be true, but I have never seen a Native American bear to prove otherwise so I am saying this is lie number 1! Blond represents hair and asian skin, which is absolutely false! There is absolutely no such thing as an asian bear! If you can find one please attach a pic in the comments because I don't believe you! Asians lack both the hair and size to be included in the bear community, which by the way is a good thing so if you are asian don't get pissed at that comment. That was lie number 2! Peach represents light blond hair and peach skin. Ok now seriously does there need to be a distinction between blond and light blond? So much for being masculine there bears. White represents white hair and albinos. I definitely buy the white hair, but albinos? They are REALLY reaching for this "all inclusive flag". Since when is albino a separate ethnicity? Grey represents grey hair. What no grey skinned people? Exclusion number 4, or was that3? I lost count. Last and obviously least is black for black hair and skin. Why does black need to be on the bottom? Why is it black and not African American? They listed Asian and Native American! Discrimination! If I was an African American bear I would be pissed!

I will have to segue into another blog just for the other types of bears, but this is dragging on already. In closing I love bears, but they hate me. Why all the hating bears? Not all of us can have a low metabolism and small amounts of body hair.

LuvuFURRYbitches!